TWINKIES

Back in the day, when I could eat massive amounts of fat laden foods without gaining an ounce, Twinkies were a staple for me. I don’t know what it was, I just couldn’t resist them as I stood in line at the grocery store and saw them all lined up on a rack with other Hostess delights such as Suzy Q’s, Ho Ho’s, and Ding Dongs….oh, and not to forget those marshmallow and coconut wrapped Snowballs! I would quickly throw them onto the conveyor belt, hoping that my kids didn’t notice because I didn’t want them eating that crap and going into a sugar high. I needed the sugar high so I could keep up with the kids. Besides, I was the mom and the mom gets to do whatever she wants.

I also remember the rumors about the shelf life of Twinkies being like 50 years or so. That was debunked, but the shelf life is really long, about 25 days. That’s because there is no dairy in those golden cream filled cakes from heaven. In fact, I have to wonder…could the manna from heaven in the story told in the Bible have been Twinkies? I’m sure they would have held up well in the desert heat and if they fell on your head, it wouldn’t hurt one bit. Not to mention, since there’s not a trace of dairy in a Twinkie, that would make them Kosher, no? I’m not sure of the Jewish laws on Kosher. I think I may be on to something, though, donchya think?

Twinkies have been getting a bad rap for a long time. Rumors about how they stay fresh because the secret ingredient is embalming fluid, or that they really aren’t baked but they look like they are because of some chemical reaction that makes them foam up. Oh, but the rumors and innuendo didn’t stop there!

Back on November 27, 1978, Dan White who was a former San Francisco city supervisor had assassinated San Francisco Mayor George Mascon and Supervisor, Harvey Milk. During the trial, Dan White’s lawyer had used the fact that although Dan was a health fanatic in the past, his depression had caused him to turn to junk food full of sugar and that caused him to snap. The media dubbed this the “Twinkie Defense” and Twinkies have been stuck with lore that if you eat too many, you’ll go nuts and start shooting people.

Maybe Hostess should have thought twice about the mascot they chose who was dressed in cowboy gear. Although the mascot was not brandishing a set of 6-shooters, after eating a few Twinkies you might think he is…and you might believe he can really talk. Not that I’ve ever had visions of the Twinkie dude talking or anything…well, maybe once or twice after scarfing down 6 Twinkies at one sitting.

Twinkies even made it into the original Ghostbuster movie…..

Oh yeah….that’s one big Twinkie!

And why, you may ask, am I writing a post about Twinkies today? For no other reason than it’s 10:30 a.m. and I haven’t had breakfast yet and the Twinkie dude is dancing around in my head tempting me to go to the store and buy a box of those deadly golden tubes filled with fluffy cream. I won’t do it, though. I’m still trying to lose those pounds of junk I’ve got stored in my trunk and until Hostess comes up with a Twinkie that is fat free, calorie free and still tastes the same….I refuse to be sucked into that addiction again. Unless God tells me to eat a Twinkie, then I will have no choice but to comply.

Ok God, I’m waiting….you want me to have a Twinkie, right? Manna from heaven— right? God? Are you there????

Darn…I should have known He’d use guilt to keep me in line.

Have a good day…I’m going to head to the kitchen to eat a carrot stick or something. Sigh….