My dearest friends and fellow bloggers (I’m sucking up, big time). I’m sorry for not visiting your blogs, or my own blog for that matter, and not returning comments to those left to me. You see, I’ve been sick. Not JUST sick, but sicker than a flea-bitten, mangy, three legged dog. You know you’re sick when the nurse at the doc’s office calls your name and when she sees you walking toward her, she pulls up her face mask. I never saw a nurse take my blood pressure at such a distance before. The doctor also came in the room wearing a hazmat suit….but he had cool red shoes on.
Seriously, I was sure I was invincible from the flu…never bothered with those ol’ flu shots, or packing my body with vitamin C, or slathering anti-bacterial lotion from head to toe. Nope. Not me. No germ could make it through the layers of my Habit, not to mention my Wonderwoman Underoos. I am woman, hear me roar…I am stong. I am invincible. I am WOMAN! Sorry. Moving on.
I may be one fry short of Happy Meal, but I’m not exaggerating. I felt like shit and then to make it worse, I got a secondary infection along with the virus. It’s like being kicked when you’re already down for the count.
I can’t believe it, I missed Christmas completely. I missed Christmas Eve, I missed Bing Crosby crooning, “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas”, I missed Christmas Mass, I even missed sugar plums dancing in my head. Not to mention, Santa didn’t leave squat for me in my stocking, no candy, no
drugs toys, no nothin’! AND FANNIE MAY ATE THE CANOLI SHELLS! Ugh.
And yet….I still found a blessing in all of this. I had to think real hard, because when things are going bad for me and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep. You know the song. I try to find a blessing in everything,because that’s what we religious freaks do. (Don’t ever call me a religious freak, only I can do that… just so you know.) Anyway, since I was locked up in my room, quarantined from all human life forms, I had the opportunity to listen to some old movies on my computer. Yup, I was mostly listening with my eyes shut because I was too sick to keep my eyelids open for long. I would open them every once in awhile, just to assure myself that I indeed was not dead and found quite a pleasant and unpleasant surprise in a couple of older flicks on Hulu.
The pleasant surprise….. “The Case for Christ” which I never saw before because I was busy raising kids or getting high…I mean, happily enjoying life. This documentary was made by a guy that was a journalist for the Chicago Tribune….or Sun Times. Doesn’t matter. He was also a hardened atheist. I mean, this guy would make Randal seem saintly (I can’t resist adding Randal to my blog posts…call it an obsession.) And he decided that he would approach believing in God as he did with any of his journals in the paper. What he didn’t know, was how difficult that would be because he was dang sure that God did not exist and figured he could knock this one out in a heartbeat. His wife was like me…..God-loving Nunly type who tries to convert her family at all costs before they go sliding into hell. A woman’s work is never done. Not only do we have to cook and clean for the family but we have to watch out for their spiritual well-being. Honestly, it just wears me out.
Anyway, this documentary was amazing and gave me hope that even my husband and kids still have a chance to get it right before they have to look God in the eyes and tell Him that He doesn’t exist. As much as I would like to do a dance in front of them and sing “I told ya so!! Ha-ha!”, the other part of me is hoping they will escape hells fire and stuff. So, if you’re an atheist or a believer, I would recommend “The Case for Christ” because either way, it was very well done.
The other movie was actually recommended on another blog, a Catholic blog, so I was expecting something really great. It was “The Gospels Acccording to Matthew”. Holy cow! And I don’t mean to be irreverent, but WTH???? Who could possibly watch that movie without wanting to run out of the room screaming? It.was.awful. I have nothing against the Apostle, Matthew, I really enjoy reading his Gospels. I think he was really a stand up guy and I’ll bet he was a good looking guy, too. I always picture the Apostle’s as rugged, good looking dudes, except for Judas who I picture looking like a used car salesman.
Getting back to the movie, the actor who portrayed Jesus had this humongous unibrow and he seemed to be perpetually pissed off. I guess I would be pissed if I had that thing on my forehead, too, but seriously? Look at this mug! And check out the zombie-like guys behind him which are supposed to be some of the Apostles. As sick as I was, I didn’t look that bad on my worst day last week.
It’s no wonder he seemed pissed off because the entire movie had Jesus walking down a path, or on water, or whatever, looking straight ahead and shouting out direct quotes from the gospels of Matthew in the Bible. It was like he was just a crazy guy talking to himself because the Apostle’s were walking about 20 yards behind him, in one big glob.
Also, the movie must have been made in another language ‘cuz it was dubbed….badly. They tried to show a toddler laughing and having fun, and you heard a bunch of toddler-like giggling and laughter, but if you looked at this kid, he was looking pretty fed up and annoyed. The scene with the slaughter of the innocents, was just crazy, and the person I think they were portraying as the older Blessed Mother looked like she was about 80 years old when Jesus was 30, which makes no sense because she had Him at a very young age, 14 or 15 years old so that would make her about 40-45 years old, and I’ve never seen a 40 year old look like that unless they had a life filled with drugs and booze.
I can go on and on, and I will also admit that I didn’t watch the whole thing because it was skewing my whole vision of Jesus. I mean, I want to spend an eternity with Jesus, but not the unibrow one.
Ok, I’m going to wrap this up because even I’m getting bored with this post. I hope you all had a great Christmas while I was in bed suffering to no end, struggling to swallow the homemade ravioli for dinner. Did that make you feel sorry for me? I hope so, because I was going for the pity party, since I missed Christmas and all. I can’t help myself, the self pity routine is fun.
Love you all,
PS: Oh, and Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!! I should have said that first!